HOW TO OVERCOME BODY ISSUES AND LIVE A KICK ASS LIFE - From A Medium + Spiritual Channel
What’s up, Abs! It’s been a while!!!
Talkin' bout it’s not my style..... 🎶 .....Except today.
I used to have a serious addiction to exercise. We’re talking 4-5 hours of gym time and movement every day. For years.
I grew up as a dancer and a competitive swimmer. I had literally maybe 14 official days off per year from swimming from about the age of 6 through the age of 16.
Yes - these are two sports where you wear very little clothing and are constantly called out on technique and performance against yourself and others.
I fucking love dancing just for fun, and I enjoy swimming in a Lake or the ocean... not hours of circles in a pool...
But the constant focus on physical body shape, fitness, performance and hustle till you throw up lifestyle almost ate me alive. For years, I allowed myself to think I had to do these things in order to be loved and worthy.
I created my own prison cell, and convinced myself there was no way out.
My issues with my body and needing to feel good enough continued even after I quit swimming and dance.
By the time I got to college, I was struggling with not only constant dieting and fixing my body through hours and hours of strenuous exercise, I also had even more secrets....
Eating disorders.
Anxiety.
Massive depression.
Taking aderrall at my first jobs, just to stay competitive and "on" through the 70 hour weeks and nights of drinking, became the norm for a year or so... until I realized that aderrall and booze DO NOT MIX WELL. i.e. massive blackouts will happen.
This continued until I was almost 27 (minus the aderrall part. I dropped that quickly).
And then... I found out I was pregnant with my kid, and I knew it was time to stop and take care of myself again.
Slowly I started to let myself REST. I went on an exercise hiatus. I started paying attention to what my body was saying more and more, but I kept ignoring this essential part of me:
My emotions.
I'd changed my outer behaviors, but I hadn't address the beliefs, thoughts, vibration and EMOTIONS that caused those behaviors in the first place.
After I had my son, I started to bounce back into the same traps, but with new trimming. Even though I wasn’t as fixated on looking a certain way, my obsession with perfection and control manifested itself in other ways...
Being the perfect mom, perfect wife, and at the time perfect employee - to name a few things.
“It all became some weird obsession with “perfect” even though I didn’t know what perfect even was.”
I could not see I was already “there”.
Already worthy.
Already loved.
I couldn’t see outside of my own anxiety and feelings of lack because I wasn't fucking ACKNOWLEDGING THEM or giving them a seat at the table, so when it all landed me in the ER, I finally said....
"Enough. I am unwilling to live like this anymore."
I quit my job soon after that.
I didn't start my business just to make money, hit $10K months (the first time I made that amount, I didn't even notice it), or sign on X amount of more clients. Though I achieved a lot of what I set out for within the first year.
I started this business, and then evolved it out of ME mode and into WE mode - into a COLLECTIVE entity, to create massive paradigm shifts in my self and in the world.
And the move toward being highly conscious began....
I started working on my mind and beliefs, hired mentors to support me in diving deeper in to my emotional world, began to read more spiritual texts and leaned back a lot more.
Trust was clearly my #1 thing that needed to heal.
Not trusting others (though that is WAY easier for me now).
Trusting MYSELF.
Knowing that I'm loved no matter what.
I stopped white-knuckling my life, my words, and my work.
I let go and began having fun without needing to be busy and moving all the time in order to feel "productive" or "good enough".
I began eating differently and started nourishing myself with whole foods, less processed stuff, and organic food. I even started cutting out processed carbs and saw a lot of change in my moods because of it, though I didn't notice that was what it was too.
I started reading spiritual texts, and more and more books and mentors who could help me with my MIND and EMOTIONS seemed to just fall into my lap.
I also began meditating more -- just little bits in the beginning because I was SUPER resistant to the idea — and when I did entire worlds started to open up to me.
In my meditative time, I travel, I feel full-body sensations in other dimensional places like sitting on the beach when you know you're at home on your sofa.
I receive messages, download insights and am often shown things that are coming.
My pre-cognizance hasn’t been wrong once yet, and yes I set boundaries around it because I don’t want to Know everything; I wanna live my life here and now without always knowing. I actually don't ask for any future projections for myself or my loved ones.
While this is all fun, I longed for a more loving perspective on life itself - not just inside of meditation - outside of it, too.
Soon, I got my wish, and my gifts opened up outside of just meditation - allowing me to communicate with my spiritual guides (the A team), and other beings who are in the spiritual realms of the non-physical. This allowed me to converse with loved ones for my friends, passing them messages from their mothers and loved ones on the other side and receiving confirmations from them that "YES! That's her!!!"
This was the beginning of my spiritual journey and I know there’s a lot more to come. If you know me and you're in my free facebook group, Intuitive Soul Collective membership tribe, Infinitely Wise Wo+Man Experiences (coming back in May!), or in my collaborative mastermind or retreats...
You know that what I'm here to do - despite all of the ME and I in this post is help YOU know, love and trust YOURSELF - inside and out.
Self care is essential to trusting yourself, and loving it all.
But not THAT self care that's all about abs, even though I posted about my body in this pohot and post. It's not that self care that is about not enoughness, inner feelings of lack or fear, or those "oh I hit the gym even though I hate it" or "well i meditated to cross it off the list because what if i don't and that fucks up my spiritual journey?" conversations you have with yourself. Yeah, I hear you... I've had them before, too.
“Self Care = Honoring the SELF and Honoring Others through knowing, loving, and trusting yourself that you give birth to everything you feel called and lit up about in the world.
Self Care = You knowing that your purpose is none other than to be FUCKING WILDLY HAPPY.
Self Care = Serving the SELF, and equally serving OTHERS because you are so lit up inside that your every single breath and action comes from love and a desire to do what’s best and happiest for you and for all.”
Self Care is vital to enjoying your life,
and you came here to ENJOY IT ALL.
———
I’m not a fucking sparkly, white, spiritual woman. I don't just preach things about unconditional love just because I want your Likes.
I am LIVING AND EMBODYING WHAT I TALK ABOUT 90% of the time.
And when I'm not? I know it and own it, and I look at it and FEEL IT, without frowning on my own inner emotional trust issues.
I'm not just some sparkly spiritual girl who loves my little pony and rainbow kitty backpacks (though, be honest... when you were younger, didn't you love that stuff to?)
And neither are you.
You get to be whoever you KNOW and FEEL and LOVE being in this life.
I’m not what I do.
Not defined by my hair or skin color.
My body type, abilities or anything else.
I’m just loving being here and being happy.
I’ve guided women and men through the trauma of loss, grief, rape and sexual abuse. (While helping them find therapists when needed.)
I’ve held space for grieving mothers, and suicidal people.....
All the while holding space peacefully in the session and then grieving for them afterward even though I know that death isn’t the end of us or our relationships.
I’ve spoken full of nerves, to a man I didn’t know - telling him that he was a leader among men - knowing that this time was pivotal for many of us and for his path and purpose. Knowing that he is about to do something extremely important in the world, and this is a massive decision making time for him to go on that journey... or not. And I held space while I watched him see and know and feel the depth of my words... Without feeling the need to interject with all of these personal directions in our conversation to get him to do anything "my way". I know he's going to have his adventures and go his own way, and it will be immensely profound and perfect and beautiful.
That is Trust.
I’ve passed messages to a woman who’s been struggling with addiction and pain because her ex boyfriend killed another woman over her long ago... and been able to tell her that this woman who was murdered stood there in the session, saying....
“It’s not your fault. Don’t carry this burden anymore.”
I’ve spoken to children (with their parent’s legal consent) who were seeing and hearing things - kids who knew that other people in the world wouldn’t believe them. Kids who were scared of the things that I experience daily and know as only love and light, and I've been able to introduce them to the loving side of life again, to tell them not to be afraid and helped them develop their gifts more without fear. Because they are the conscious teachers and guides of the future - the and-both types... the lovers and change-makers who will break hierarchy, poverty and violent cycles FINALLY.
I’ve channeled insights and spiritual perspectives that help us live amazing human lives from people that others love to fucking hate, like Hitler, the Columbine Shooters Eric and Dylan, and others. We’re talking game-changing, heart-healing messages that healed hundreds, and completely changed the perspectives of so many of us for the future, without invalidating any of the emotions or experiences of anyone who endured what they did while they were alive.
I've also spoken with numerous beings who shared what they wished they'd known when they were alive with my community to help us love life and change our world for the better.
I've spoke to people who did awful things before they died, and heard and passed on their messages of love and compassion, to heal the hearts of all without more violence and fear.
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And in the midst of it....
Despite all of it....
I’ve learned how to love myself and others unconditionally.
I don’t struggle with food or exercise issues anymore.
I fast intermittently and eat pretty well but don’t fixate on control or perfection.
I listen to my body and my heart.
I set boundaries around my gifts and allow myself space to enjoy BEING.
I massage and nurture my body without making it a condition.
I look at women and men of every "look" conceivable and admire their courage and inner beauty. I can literally see the light beaming from them.
I say yes to what lights me up, and fuck no to what feels wrong and icky.
I also entertain new ideas and thoughts that challenge me EVERY FUCKING DAY... and I offer many of them, like in this post, knowing that you get to choose what's true for you or not.
I judge less, love more, and love without attachment to form or outcome.
(Most of the time. Still human!)
I’m going through a peaceful and loving divorce - a conscious uncoupling experience that is profoundly beautiful and insanely happy for us both.
My emotions are often sitting within me, felt and loved, and while I’d love someone to be my emotional wingman/woman - I still know that
I
GOT
THIS.
Because I have walked through fire, found myself floating amongst the stars, breathed underwater and channeled in languages I didn’t even know I knew.
I know the divine within me and have helped other people entertain the idea that it’s in them, too.
...
...
...
I know this one truth that I believe I was learning for most of my life:
I AM NOT MY BODY.
Who I AM, is not defined
or contained
or determined
by the physical form I’ve taken.
Who I AM, and who You are, is not your looks, your performance or even your actions.
Your worth and love is innate and un-fucking-conditional.
You gotta see that inside of you now.
I’m not saying you should sit idly and let life go by, having no adventures and no love and no fun or peace. I’m not saying that at all - unless that’s what floats your boat.
I’m saying to know when your actions around your body and life and physical existence are coming from LOVE, intuition, joy and adventure...
Or FEAR, control, lack, and ego.
Because what you do, affects ALL.
You didn’t come to suffer and struggle and sacrifice.
And you are worthy of loving yourself right where you fucking are, unconditionally.
Abs or no abs.
Money or no money.
Love life or no love life.
House or no house.
Gifts, or no gifts(that you’re acknowledging...)
Unconditional love for your Self and others will change the way you think, feel, and act....
So if you’re going to be that one who moves mountains, you have to believe the one thing we all think is unbeleiveable:
YOU ARE NOT DEFINED OR CONFINED BY YOUR PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE.
You know what’s really ironic?
Once you Know that - in your bones, in your heart, in your cells -
You become free to BE YOU.
And to DO ANYTHING.
——
That all said, I’m still super active and love being outside, hiking, skiing, swimming, yoga sometimes... all of that good stuff...
I sometimes struggle with trust, knowing that all is well, and feeling that I’m amazing right where I am.
But god - do I LOVE MY LIFE and all of the adventures I’m going on everyday!
I love being mom, being me, just BEING, just laying in the sun, reading a book, going on a hike or talking to new people and laughing our assess off about silly things. I don't need to be in the woo world all the damn time. I love creating things and enjoying the creative process even though sometimes, it seems seriously weirdly like I'm in a maze! :)
I'm enjoying being in this body, in this form....
I’m enjoying being in it, and not Of It.
I'm enjoying knowing I’m having this physical experience without being so attached to gaining approval based on my actions, size, looks, or performance.
I TRUST MYSELF.
AND most of the time?
I feel unconditional love for others, too.
I am celebrating an incredibly grounded and healthy relationship with my body and physical experience.
Finally.
If you wanna chat more about this stuff, head over to my group:
